So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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