But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
