It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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