I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
