I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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