woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
not ubering you a puppy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
