I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
