I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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