Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
