I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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