I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
