Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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