yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
