One girl and one boy is just not enough.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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