can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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