Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
