i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
