god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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