I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
