I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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