so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
they need to just BURY HIM!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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