ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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