do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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