God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
