is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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