nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
