this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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