Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's official drugs can't kill me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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