Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
