I heard we made out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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