He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
