Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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