i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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