I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
