I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize