I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
