He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My bed smells like the plague
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
