"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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