I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
