oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
