yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
