really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do herpes really smell.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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