Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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