Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
