I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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