I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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