god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
