Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
