i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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