ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
