Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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