you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
