Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
