So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
