the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
