so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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