I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
