he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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