i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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