Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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