i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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