I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
