When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
