he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
