We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
