i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My pussy is not your playground.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
