help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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