Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
